Idiosyncrasies

Once you get past the "i feel so weak phase", you need to move - like it or not. All that energy - I call it cringe energy: the kind that is fueled by "No way! How?! You’ve gotta be kidding me!" thoughts - somehow gives you a burst of power that makes your heart beat faster and your cheeks burn. When you’re at that point, it’s a whole lot easier to do something that you would normally deem ooooh-so-tough.  So all that energy that appears out of ‘nowhere’  - has to go ’somewhere’ -  like it or not.

But…luckily, I like

So I spin, dance and heft my troubles away - doing as much as I can so that my negative thoughts will be too tired to keep up with me. Exhaustion works. And when you go home at night, you sleep like a baby. It’s great. You won’t bother analyzing something (you’ve already thought of,  ‘fixed’ and ‘closed’  like a million times) when you’re deadbeat tired. I mean, once you’ve consciously understood something, it still takes a while for the rest of you to believe it. The "Eureka!" feeling takes a while to kick in, after all. So you just have to go with the flow and let time work it’s agonizingly slow magic.

Speaking of exhaustion…Getting to the point of exhaustion is also quite interesting. You’re expending so much energy you don’t have time to think of anything else. It’s kinda like learning to do a headstand… you concentrate on putting your weight on your hands and head as you tuck your knees onto your arms… when you slowly lift off from the tripod, you have to concentrate so much at extending your legs and keeping yourself balanced that, if, at any point, you should start to feel afraid, think of other thoughts, or, by golly, get distracted by the cute but oh-so-gay guy wondering what in Heaven’s name you’re trying to accomplish - you
will fall over.

No matter what you’re doing, you have to put your mind to it, so you can unleash the gargantuan effort that lets you keep up. Now I know why the coach advised me not to listen to music while running. You have to get to the point wherein you channel all your thoughts into that one particular movement. You’re so focused that you hear nothing but your own breathing. Once you’re able think of other things, then you know you’re not giving it your all. If you can think of how tired  you are, if you have the energy to complain, when you start thinking of what you’d rather be doing, and when  you start looking at your watch…then you’re definitely out of it. You’re not giving 100% any longer.

Getting to that point is tough, and staying there is even tougher. So why then, do so many people repeatedly try to reach it? Because they want to — no, because the need to know they can. Because it is a challenge that must be conquered. Because you need to see what happens when you get past that point. Getting there requires concentration that robs you of thinking
negatively. You need positivity to keep moving. You need positivity to
keep doing.

You need positivity to get back up when you’ve been hit.

… So go ahead,  hit me with your best shot!

This entry was posted on Sunday, August 6th, 2006 at 2:50 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.