Idiosyncrasies

Seemingly healthy addictions…are still, well, addictions. I thought being addicted to physical activity was a pretty good thing - I’d even train using this mantra:   

"Impossible is nothing. Impossible is just a big word thrown around
by small men who find it easier to live in a world that they have been
given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is
not a fact. It’s an opinion. Impossible is not a decleration. It’s a
dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is
nothing"
      - Adidas "Impossible is Nothing" campaign

 

 

Now if THAT doesn’t get you to push yourself, I don’t know what will (hmm, except of course for cringe energy, that always works)

Anyways, I’ve been sick since the weekend… and it’s already Thursday! Geez! I haven’t had  ANY physical activity in six days (unless you count getting out of bed to turn the TV on and maybe get the remote control)! I’m about to go mad, I tell you! It seems the more days I go without any physical activity, the more cups of hot chocolate I drink - the  more lampa I feel (read: I can feel the pounds piling on hahaha!). My fever has gone down, my cough and colds are starting to go away, and although I should feel better, it’s quite the opposite. I feel soooo…lethargic. It just kills me to see that it’s sunny outside, I don’t have work, and yet I can’t go into the yard and spend some quality time with my Dano (that’s the name Grace and Patty gave my ball).

I dread getting sick because the longer you stay down, the harder you’ll have to work when you get back. Stamina decreases in as little as a week’s inactivity. That’s one of the worst thoughts when you’re sick: knowing you’ll have
to start from scratch (or near it) when you’re all better. I’ve been
through that a lot, and believe-you-me, it is torture. It sucks to know
you were already nearing your peak (or maybe even at your peak) and
then all of a sudden, you’re back to gasping for breath less than two
minutes into your routine. This is why I remember hating long breaks back in college: the stamina level I had worked so hard to attain in, say, a month, would be gone in as little as a week’s worth of dvd marathons. But then again, I don’t train as hard any longer… (I miss it though) 

I never gave it much thought before, now I realize that there is some truth to it - that yes, you can get addicted to your exercise habits. I decided to look it up and see if I was a candidate for such an addiction…

Getting High on Exercise

by Sueann Allen

 

Do you find that your moods vary according to your exercise
intensity?  Is your workout your first priority, even at the expense of
other events in your life?  Do you work out more than once daily, even
if injured?

 

If you can answer yes to these questions, you are one of many addicted to exercise.

 

 

Is
exercise an addiction?  According to most research the answer is a
resounding yes!  Research suggests that those who pursue intense,
high-endurance sports, such as running, cycling and swimming, exert
intensive stress on their bodies.  In response to this stress they
produce addictive substances called Beta-endorphins.

 

 

Endorphins are hormones secreted by the pituitary gland
in response to physical stress.  These hormones are known to block
pain, decrease appetite, decrease anxiety and induce feelings of
euphoria.

 

 

Does this sound familiar?  It should.  Endorphins are
chemically related to the drug morphine.  Morphine is extremely
addicting.  Morphine is a drug that relieves pain and produces euphoric
feelings.  "Endorphin" actually means "endogenous
morphine."  Endorphins and morphine both bind to the same chemical
receptors in the brain and produce similar responses.

 

 

During a long run, some runners gradually lose the
ability to feel pain and experience a thrill as their bodies are filled
with exhilarating energy.  This is called a "runner’s high."  Some
believe "runner’s high" is caused by the surge of endorphins distance
runners feel during a difficult workout.

 

 

Research shows that the better physically fit an athlete,
the more receptive the athlete is to endorphins.  And as intensity and
duration of exercise increase, the concentration of endorphins released
also increases ¹.  This has two side effects; the athlete
experiences increased exposure to endorphins and becomes more addicted,
and the athlete can train harder because of the higher pain tolerance
and the increased energy granted by the endorphins.

 

Apart from athletic research, is there any other
supporting evidence for this theory?  Yes.  Researchers found that when
Beta-endorphins are injected into depressed patients, their moods
improve¹.  This indicates that endorphins enhance mood may be responsible for an athlete’s elevated mood during and after a workout.

 

 

There
are those unconvinced of the theory linking endorphin release to the
feelings of pleasure from exercise.  These people argue that many
people experience the same feelings of euphoria from exercises such as
meditation and yoga.  Neither of these exercises physically stresses
the body enough to produce an endorphin release.  This leads many to
believe that the endorphin theory is false.

 

 

Those who have participated in intense physically
exerting sports will admit to the feelings of euphoria, increased pain
tolerance and decreased appetite that accompany this exercise.  They
will usually admit to feeling addicted to their sport.  Most of these
athletes readily accept the addiction theory because they have
experienced its effects first-hand.  Although more research is in order
to confirm that endorphins are responsible for these effects, there is
strong evidence to suggest that exercise addicts are truly, physically
addicted to their exercise.

   

Hmm… come to think of it, what coach said (back in college) was true: we tend to get sick when we skip training, when we don’t play… and we’re at our best when we train regularly.

Allen’s article shows the good side, but this one  is just plain freaky - the premise being exercise addiction in women is linked to manic depression. 

… oh well, at least I’m not manic. Whew.

… I can’t wait to get back on track.

… I miss football. And Dano misses my long shots, I’m sure.

Once you get past the "i feel so weak phase", you need to move - like it or not. All that energy - I call it cringe energy: the kind that is fueled by "No way! How?! You’ve gotta be kidding me!" thoughts - somehow gives you a burst of power that makes your heart beat faster and your cheeks burn. When you’re at that point, it’s a whole lot easier to do something that you would normally deem ooooh-so-tough.  So all that energy that appears out of ‘nowhere’  - has to go ’somewhere’ -  like it or not.

But…luckily, I like

So I spin, dance and heft my troubles away - doing as much as I can so that my negative thoughts will be too tired to keep up with me. Exhaustion works. And when you go home at night, you sleep like a baby. It’s great. You won’t bother analyzing something (you’ve already thought of,  ‘fixed’ and ‘closed’  like a million times) when you’re deadbeat tired. I mean, once you’ve consciously understood something, it still takes a while for the rest of you to believe it. The "Eureka!" feeling takes a while to kick in, after all. So you just have to go with the flow and let time work it’s agonizingly slow magic.

Speaking of exhaustion…Getting to the point of exhaustion is also quite interesting. You’re expending so much energy you don’t have time to think of anything else. It’s kinda like learning to do a headstand… you concentrate on putting your weight on your hands and head as you tuck your knees onto your arms… when you slowly lift off from the tripod, you have to concentrate so much at extending your legs and keeping yourself balanced that, if, at any point, you should start to feel afraid, think of other thoughts, or, by golly, get distracted by the cute but oh-so-gay guy wondering what in Heaven’s name you’re trying to accomplish - you
will fall over.

No matter what you’re doing, you have to put your mind to it, so you can unleash the gargantuan effort that lets you keep up. Now I know why the coach advised me not to listen to music while running. You have to get to the point wherein you channel all your thoughts into that one particular movement. You’re so focused that you hear nothing but your own breathing. Once you’re able think of other things, then you know you’re not giving it your all. If you can think of how tired  you are, if you have the energy to complain, when you start thinking of what you’d rather be doing, and when  you start looking at your watch…then you’re definitely out of it. You’re not giving 100% any longer.

Getting to that point is tough, and staying there is even tougher. So why then, do so many people repeatedly try to reach it? Because they want to — no, because the need to know they can. Because it is a challenge that must be conquered. Because you need to see what happens when you get past that point. Getting there requires concentration that robs you of thinking
negatively. You need positivity to keep moving. You need positivity to
keep doing.

You need positivity to get back up when you’ve been hit.

… So go ahead,  hit me with your best shot!

Help Me Out God

Help me out God I need a little something
Turn the brights on I can’t see where we’re going
Cause I don’t know when things’ll work out just fine
Or if this road we’re on leads us up
Or is leading me on down to my wishing well
Where I might drown oh I might drown
Cause I can’t swim without you God

Help me out God I need a little something
Hold my hand so I know that I’m not falling down
Or spinning round or am I really just fine
Is this vertigo I feel just simply fear or maybe real
It’s a long way down and I might fall and I might fall
Cause I can’t stand without you God

Help me out God I need a little something
Just enough so I don’t lose hope before morning comes
Cause in the sun things’ll work out just fine
But this night’s been extra long I fear I won’t make it to the Dawn
Cause the night is dark and I might doubt and I might doubt
Cause I can’t hope without you God

Just enough for today get me through ’til tomorrow

—————————–

Here’s another one that’s keeping me going:

"A Warrior of Light knows that certain moments repeat themselves.

He often finds himself faced by the same problems and situations, and seeing these difficult situations return, he grows depressed, thinking that he is incapable of making any progress in life.

“I’ve been through all this before,” he says to his heart.

“Yes, you have been through all this before,” replies his heart. “But you have never been beyond it.”

Then the Warrior realizes that these repeated experiences have but one aim: to teach him what he does not want to learn.”

- from Paulo Coelho’s Warrior of the Light

Sigh. No kidding. I thought I had already learned… and I did… but true enough, I have not been beyond it.

… and then out of the blue,

… he’s there

… and to think that was a long time ago.

… i’m so happy i feel like bouncing off the walls

… missing badminton practice tonight

… twas a blessing in disguise

… there’s always a little bit of magic on rainy nights

… please please please let me keep feeling this high

——————————

… I just found out this morning.

… oh boy, i spoke too soon

… isn’t it amazing how things can change, just like that?

… when it rains, it pours

… looks like this won’t be my year after all… no, let’s think positive.

… i hope things get better soon. things will… right?

… this isn’t the kind of frustration that makes me run 10k in an hour

… it’s quite the opposite

… it’s the kind of disappointment that makes me feel too weak to lift, even when I’ve already lightened the load. The kind that makes your arms feel like lead, and your knees feel like putty.

… too dazed to enjoy my favorite dance class - which usually perks me up better than anything else, but this morning, I was just sooo out of it… sorry peejay. but your class is still as good as ever

… the kind wherein you try to pick yourself up, but your dang self just won’t listen.

… and you just  stand by and watch yourelf and feel angry that you’d let it get to you, when you know for a fact that you’re stronger than this… you’ve been through much, MUCH worse after all.

… so why feel this way?

… what’s with the regression?

… my room is usually a reflection of my state of mind. What used to work: I clean my room and somehow my mindset follows. Now, I’ve done everything from fixing my room, organizing my cd collection, video collection, books, magazines, closet, e-mail (1000+ messages dating back to 2003! trimmed down to 100!), contact/address book… and I’m still praning.

… why only go up to 60 when the speedometer can read up to 210?

… I need an adventure.