Idiosyncrasies

What to do when you’re caught in the middle?

Yeah, sure I like sports. Call me sporty if you will. I’d
like to think I am anyway. I love sports more than the average woman, but I’m
nothing compared to the die-hard elite athletes. Another thing is, I don’t look
sporty enough to actually find a job related to sports (like instructor or
sports show host or something). Okay, if I work on it, maybe I can in a few
years. I wish there was something sports-related I could go for as a job right
now though.

I’m reminded of the lead actress (Nia Valdaros) in My Big
Fat Greek Wedding. According to her, she was too fat to be given one of the
“pretty lead actress” roles, and not fat enough for the obese roles.

I had a Nia moment sometime ago, while shopping for work
clothes with my mom. Not wanting to shell out much for slacks (can you just
picture me in work clothes?!), I headed for the sale aisles. Here’s my
question: why do dirt cheap slacks in tiangges and sale piles ALWAYS come in
teeny tiny hopelessly small sizes?! Are all Filipinas/Asians really that
starved? Geez! Where are the healthy I-eat-three-meals-a-day woman sizes? All I
saw were Karen Carpenter ones.

I scooted over to the more expensive section (the branded
ones). It was hard to accept that the largest size in the sale aisle was pretty
tight, but hey, I had to accept it. No choice there. Given that size dilemma, I
figured I’d check out the larger sizes. Found my way to the PLUS sizes. Tried
on the SMALLEST size. Sigh. Too big for me. What is going on?!

 
What to do when you’re caught in the middle? When you’re
frame is too big for the average petite Asian sizes, but too small for the Plus
sizes.

(I found normal person sizes, finally. Brand name, duh.
Expensive, no duh. Sheesh.)

What to feel when you’re caught in the middle?

I’ve tried out many things, but never really bothered
sticking to one. Jack of all trades, master of none. Every time I felt I could
do something well enough, I stopped and moved on to the next thing. This
happened with everything from singing to art. Now, I’m not good enough in any
of those things to use them for work. What do you do when you know more than
the basics, but lack the refinement of experience?

How do you get out when you’re caught in the middle?

Post-grad depression?

There are different kinds of depression: bipolar disorder, SAD (seasonal affective disorder), dysthymic disorder, premenstrual dysphoric disorder, and there’s even something called double depression (yep, when the person has TWO kinds of depression. Bummer ain’t it?). My mom even experienced post-partum depression after giving birth to me twenty-two years ago.

There’s something I’d like to add to the list: post-graduation depression. Well, that’s just what I call it anyway, even though it’s not really depression, and even though it’s not as serious as those above (no doubt about that). However…am I alone on this?

SYMPTOMS:

1. Thinking of finding what your parents call “real work” (read: 8 to 5) zaps you of your energy. (Sigh. Why can’t freelancing be considered “real work”? It is, isn’t it???)

2. When you finally decide to apply for several jobs, all the what-ifs start popping up - ALL AT ONCE. You suddenly think of all the reasons in the world –from the real points to consider to the really silly excuses – as to why you are not right for the job.

3. You can’t picture yourself not in school. (Okay, I guess this is a coming to terms with getting older issue…but still!)

4. Although you don’t want to be one of the people who start a job only to resign a week later, you have this sinking feeling you’ll only last a day or two at most.

5. You keep weighing the pros and the cons, and although the pros outweigh the cons, you just can’t help but feel you’re doing/choosing the wrong thing.

6. You are hesitant to step out into the industry because you’ve heard it corrupts the righteous, swallows up the dreamers, and then spits them out jaded.

7. It’s when your mind goes blank and your stomach is in knots while taking the entrance exams/iq tests companies give. Why? Because you’re more concerned about upholding UP’s reputation (what if you do poorly and get a “Taga-UP ba talaga yan? Hindi pala sila magaling!” reaction) than actually getting the job you’re applying for.

8. You have this feeling you are somehow managing to sabotage/flub your job interview because deep down, you think you don’t really want this job anyway. You just want to get the interview over with so that you can tell your parents, “Hey, I did what you wanted me to do…again.”

9. You’re afraid you’ll be stuck with something you don’t like.

10. You’re afraid you’ll give up your dreams because although you start out with something you don’t like, you end up getting used to it.

Yes, I’m hesitant. But I still did what had to be done, since I want to keep my new year’s resolution. I’m just bummed because I love freelancing and I don’t want to give it up just yet. I have the rest of my life to take the 8 to 5 work-hour plunge. What’s the rush? It’s not like I’m wasting my time, I still get work done. I still gain experience. Why can’t they see that?

But what I’m really afraid of is… maybe it’s me that’s wrong about everything.

I was pondering on my game late last year - what I had been doing right, and what I had been doing wrong. I was reading up on strategy when I came across this simple quote:  You’ll always miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.   Sheesh. What a waker-upper. Not just for football, but for how we live  our lives in general.

It made me think - how many opportunities have I missed out on, because I was too caught up in weighing the pros and cons (not that this is bad, it’s just that there are times when I just don’t bother when I can’t come up with a decent tally), or simply because I was just too chicken to attempt anything. Hence, came the first new year’s resolution I’ve managed to keep this long:  I resolved to "take more shots" - to take more chances, to strive and dare so I don’t end up with any regrets…

… and I must say, so far… I’ve made excellent progress!

My new year’s resolution was to keep pushing my limits. To face my fears. Whenever I feel hesitation coming on, I kick my heels up and go ahead with whatever it is. At times, it takes longer since I have to force myself to get over the feelings involved, but heck, as long as I get it done, I’m good. It may sound silly, and indeed some of the things I’ve done ARE downright silly… but the point is, all the things I’ve managed to do… well, the experiences have given me more guts.

I faced one of my bigger fears yesterday… I won’t elaborate, but I’m just happy I did. I came out of it triumphant! It’s funny how you dread something to the point of managing to somehow avoid it *unintentionally-on-purpose* (for *geez* more than five years, now that I come to think of it) and when you finally get around to facing it, it ends up going really well - even better than expected, and it leaves you with a pleasant memory.

Hey guys!

If this is old news, pardon me because I just heard of it now. I saw it featured on TV while ch.surfing and I must say, WOW!!! It looks soooo damn cool, I just had to share this!

   
      
Check this out: http://www.parkour.com/ and http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parkour. Click on the pix here to see what these traceurs can do!

      
   
   
Remember when we were kids, and we had to go to the playground for fun? Well, what if you could make the city your playground? Actually, you could have a challenging playground anywhere you go! Instead of going around walls, you learn techniques to jump over them, slide/jump down rails, jump from narrow beams to  roofs way up high… the works! Think cat burglar/ninja/matrix moves and you’ve got it. Think MTV Jackass-worthy stunts, without the flubs. There. You’ve got it.

   
   
   
It’s called Parkour.While watching what they could do, I thought, "Man, if this ever came to our country the akyat-bahay cases would skyrocket!"
   
Really! You’ve gotta see it to believe it.

   
      
Here’s the def’n I got from one of the sites:

   
   
"Parkour (also called Le Parkour, PK, or free running) is a quasi-sport in which participants attempt to clear all obstacles in their path in the most fluid manner possible. The ultimate goal in parkour is to ‘flow’ along one’s path, for the entire journey to be as one fluid movement with no pauses or breaks. A principal rule of parkour is to never go backwards. Traceurs believe that there is a path to every obstacle which is achieved through forward movement."