Idiosyncrasies

Good things that happened this week:

1. Finished editing!

   
   
   
2. Tita Lina (my aunt who lives in Canada) called me up - right when I needed to hear a warm voice.

   
   
   
3. 10km in 1hour, easy pace…seems like the "good" frustration is back.

   
   
   
4. Pushing 13.5 km/hr pace easily now… I just have to work on sustaining it

   
   
   
5. Am finally sleeping better…. which only means I’m getting better at tiring myself out during the day so that when I get home, I’m too exhausted to think about *youknowwhat*. Hey…it works…

   
   
   
6. Finally got dad to try out the waffles at HEaven and Eggs! I think we’re finally getting along… I hope it lasts.

   
   
   
7. Finally fixed my room (it’s a miracle… I know! I can finally see the FLOOR! Hahaha. Kidding. It wasn’t THAT bad)

   
   
   
8. Heard that the Extra CHallenge Reunion will push through in July. Pretty excited about it. I miss everyone.

   
   
   
9. One of my non-mushy friends is now soooo full of mush since he is sooo in love. It’s fun to hear/see him get all gaga over her. Hehehe. Go get ‘er, dude! We’ll make the video on Saturday!

10. I think I actually lost some weight from all that running. Getting frustrated over not getting what I was waiting for wasn’t so bad I guess…. who am I kidding…of course it was. That’s why I kept running…to forget about it.
   
   
   
Listening to Hands Down right now…Love it. "My hopes are so high,that your kiss might kill me.So won’t you kill me, so I die happy." Haha. I remember when I used to feel that way. It felt great….
   

   
   
…but being free to live life the way you want to, oh, and executing powerful, no-spin shots…feels even better. Or maybe I’m just trying not to think about that, either. Okay, stop the thoughts…time to start running…
 

NOT finished editing… STILL stuck at home, since I’m NOT done.

I can’t concentrate!!!! Waaaaaaaaah!

Have already drank a pitcher full of hot chocolate and have eaten a pint of chocolate ice cream hoping they will make me feel sleepy and less hyper. BUT NO, they have NOT. The serotonin HAS NOT kicked in…and I’m beginning to think it will NOT. I feel like jumping around and sprinting like mad. Staying in front of the PC and the keyboard just makes me even more hyper…because I can’t use the pent-up energy to pound on the keyboard, now can I?

Staying at home when I’m frustrated is BAAAADDDD. This would not have happened if I was at the gym… if I had gone to the gym or the track I would’ve done 7km again…maybe even more… but no, I can’t go there…. because I’m not done…because I can’t concentrate… because I’m inspired….and yet uninspired by the inspiration…hahaha. Ang labo!

Flo’ is still in town, so my madness is somewhat justified…know what I mean, girls?

Have not done the Colayco teaser…which is supposed to be for today…good thing Leo made one… am still working on Gawad Plaridel main title which is to be Oprah-OBB-ish… sigh. I’ll skip it. I don’t know what I want to do with it. I mean…I do know…I’m just…not into it. I’ll do the er….the…. dammit, everything depends on the layout and colors of the main title. I’ll finish the main title na nga!

Ciao!

Crazy thought: in less than a month from now… I’ll be…gasp… older. Noooooooooooooo! I haven’t hung upside down (using my legs) from the monkey bars yet!!! Let me explain…. I wasn’t allowed to do that as a kid, so I never did (masunurin akong bata). I promised myself (back in grade school) that I HAD to do that before I turned 22!!! BUT I only remembered now!!! I have to start looking for some deserted playground. KNow any?

Sigh. This bet is killing me. I just keep telling myself November isn’t that far off… (but let’s face it… It IS that far off.)

I forgot what day it was…the day that I felt exceptionally crappy and down… I was determined to go 2km in 10mins or under (to make use of the bad feeling)… I started out pretty fast and I thought I was going to make it. And then I felt my chest tighten (and that doesn’t usually happen!). Thought it would go away. Kept at it. It didn’t go away. It got worse. It was on the left side…and I have mitral valve prolapse…so I had to stop for the day. Felt even crappier ‘coz I would’ve made it in 10mins if that hadn’t happened. I think it was because I was sooooooooooooo (times ten) frustrated that day…

Was soooo full of pent-up energy because of the halted run…The next day, instead of trying to bring my lap time down, I just kept jogging (trying to get myself to stop thinking about everything)… and when I decided I’d had enough, I checked the readings….

To my surprise, I did 7km in 40mins… not bad considering I was jogging at a comfy pace….even walked for a minute or so on a 10th level incline.

Went to football training yesterday… I used my old shoes (the zoomair ones that I love soooo much…yeah, the pair I was supposed to retire…had ‘em stitched up, I couldn’t bear to part with them)

And when I tried my long kick…I got the no-spin/sailing shot at my first go! I got it back!Woohoo!  It’s really in the shoes, in my case anyway. I’m so used to the fit of my beloved zoomair that when I switch shoes, my kicks just aren’t the same.

I noticed that when I don’t concentrate on getting the no-spin ones, I do them well. When I start being conscious about it…the ball starts spinning… Well, also because I back up too much before I take the shot. I keep forgetting that spin = more than three steps away, no spin = just two steps (again, that’s only in my case).

My aim however, is another story. I used to have such good aim. And now…. Lost it. Well, I haven’t played in a long time. Haha. Penalty kick… three men formed a wall to block my shot. Coach Hadjie told me to take a grass-cutter aimed at Bernard, so it would go in. I positioned myself for the kick, but told coach I couldn’t do grass-cutters well yet…

…and so coach told me to change my aim to someone (in the wall), and to forget scoring the goal. This was to teach that someone to stop being too rough with one of the female players…and well, I must admit, he kinda deserved it…

Change target, change position. But the thing is…. I FORGOT TO CHANGE MY POSITION! My position was still for the grass-cutter towards the goal, but my assumed kicking form was for the the nutcracker that was meant for the other guy. I only realized this by the time my foot had made contact with the ball. I tried to change the direction by twisting my foot a bit…but it was no use. The result?  I missed my mark and ended up hitting Bernard with a high, powerful shot. It ricochetted off the underside of his chin. It made an awful sound, so I guess it hit him hard.

Damn, I was aiming at someone else! I kept apologizing to Bernard… and I even overheard my original mark saying, "Good thing that didn’t hit ME!" Dude, if you only knew… it was supposed to be a nutcracker aimed at you. Hehe.

I just love how men get over their differences. They slug it out…or do something similar to it. Women fight dirty because there’s scheming involved. I’m a guy in that aspect… I don’t like scheming. I’d rather hit the guy [I'm pissed at] with a nutcracker shot he’ll never forget rather than plot revenge. The thing is… I only do that to men. On the football pitch. Hahaha. I’d never do that to another woman… and I don’t plot revenge on other women, either. I’m good to my kind. Hehehe. =P

Oolong tea Sunday. I’m bored. I’m SUPPOSED to be editing. But my frustration is preventing me from doing so. I wish I could go outside and run, bike, climb, walk, or just DO SOMETHING that would get me so tired that I’d just get sleepy…so I could sleep and stop thinking. So I could stop feeling, even just for a little while.

I know… I’ll weed the garden… (if you’ve been to our house lately… you’d know that it’s ALL WEEDS!) or maybe practice my juggling or my trapping… or…. wait, I’m not allowed out of the house. Sigh. SIGH. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

I’m losing my mind. Aaaaaaarrrrrghhhhh. November, please come quickly!

Sigh. Fine… Fine… I’ll go edit now. After I paint something. Just to get rid of this feeling. It’s theraputic. Now if only editing got me as tired as sprinting or two hours of practicing parallel parking (no powersteering)…. I’d sleep soundly tonight.

What goes around comes around….
What goes up, must come down…
…the wheels are turning….

constantly.
I hope the eleventh hour principle holds true.
Maybe tomorrow, I’ll be back on top again.

I just love listening to this song… Now, if only I could relate? Hahaha. Actually…maybe i can. Then again…maybe not. Lemme think…yep, not. Can’t relate. Hahaha. But i like it anyway. Feels like Jason Wade is singing it to you when you listen to it… awww, what a dreamy voice. I listen to this before I go to bed (which could be the reason I can’t get any sleep - it triggers thoughts and memories, but it doesn’t matter. i’ll keep listening to it)

At this rate…I’m on my way to winning that bet, dude.

You Belong to Me

written by Pee Wee King, Redd Steward and Shilton Price

i like Jason Wade’s version (Lifehouse vocalist), it was used in the Shrek 2 soundtrack

See the pyramids along the Nile
Watch the sunrise on a tropic isle
Just remember, darling all the while
You belong to me

See the market place in old Algiers
Send me photographs and souvenirs
Just remember when a dream appears
You belong to me

I’ll be so lonesome without you
Maybe you’ll be lonesome too
And blue

Fly the ocean in a silver plane
See the jungle when it’s wet with rain
Just remember ’til you’re home again
You belong to me

Maybe you’ll be lonesome too
And blue

Fly the ocean in a silver plane
See the jungle when it’s wet with rain
Just remember ’til you’re home again
You belong to me

Maybe you’ll be lonesome too
And blue

Fly the ocean in a silver plane
See the jungle when it’s wet with rain
Just remember ’til you’re home again
You belong to me

wallowing feels awful. bad idea to indulge it even for a while.

i’ll hit the gym.

Early morning… bad start. I wish I had just stayed in bed, would’ve gotten extra hours of sleep. So much for thinking of horses, Santa Claus, and all the things in Julie Andrews’ "My Favorite THings" song yesterday. Sheesh. Santa Claus has probably forgotten about me anyway. And Christmas is still a long way off anyway…. and so is Santa Claus, and his elves, and …whatthehelliswrongwithme?! Enough of that.

I won’t get what I’m waiting for…and I think it’s final now. Ouch. Major, major, OUCH. I can feel my heart sinking. But instead of giving myself the "you’re too good" and "it’s okay, maybe there’s still hope" and "let’s look at the good side" therapy… I can’t! Because if I do… I won’t feel the same way any longer… and I have to feel the same way until frickin’ November! Bloody hell. Bloody, bloody. HELL.

This is the kind of frustration and disappointment that is too strong, I can’t use it to fuel my laps… this is the kind of frustration that makes me feel weak. The kind of frustration that makes me NOT crave the chocolate tiramisu coated almonds right in front of me (and man, that’s bad!). The kind of frustration that actually made me NOT crave for a wopple wonder even though Leo just mentioned it.

It’s the kind of frustration that makes you HAVE to listen to Gloria Gaynor’s I Will Survive, or ELSE. Or else you’d go crazy. Sigh. I feel so stupid. Heartbroken over something I shouldn’t be heartbroken about. Something a normal, sane person would probably NOT even think about. Oh well. I’ll still keep praying. Who knows. I’ll try to be optimistic and happy about it all.

Yeah, right. I think I’ll wallow for a few hours…

Good thing I brought my Bridget book along today.

Like I said… frustration is good for laps, but bad for the emotions. But hell, it sure works on the laps! Could have done 10mins flat if I had pushed myself, but my goal is to be faster each day. If I push 10mins today, I’d die trying to get a better time the next day. I want to be able to do 2km in less than 10 without pushing much… so it’s slow and steady.

I wonder… if I finally get what I’m waiting for… will I do 2km in 9mins all of a sudden? Hehehe. Maybe I’ll go even faster. We’ll see. (Oh God PLEASE!)

am too lazy to go to the gym. am too lazy for anything. am too absorbed in thought.

it’s one of those blah days when your dark side takes over.

Someone show me a horse please…. sigh. Or Santa Claus perhaps. Santa Claus. SANTA. CLAUS. I’ve been a good girl so far…. will I get what I’m waiting for? Well, either way… I’ll win that bet, Leo, you can count on it! Even if Santa Claus thinks otherwise!:D

SIGH. Looked at football jerseys and funny videos but they didn’t do the trick. That’s a first.

Okay…off to the gym now. Just ‘coz I don’t feel like it doesn’t mean I won’t go.

Have been reading too much of Bridget lately. Am starting to feel like her. And maybe even write like her. Am singleton of significance. Haha.

The car I’ve been dreaming about! I want a red one with a white roof and white racing stripe… Waaah! And my friend Kathleen is thinking of buying one! Dude! Inggit akoooo~! Let me ride sometime, ha?

From Mini Vs. Ford:

(Click the pic to get the non-pixelized one)

Wow. Both of these vehicles hit the exact same off-set barrier at 40mph. Now there’s no question what would win in a head-on collesion between the two but then again the majority of accidents involve only a single car. All you have to do is look at the dummy’s legs and you can get an idea of what would happen if you hit a wall in either car. The MINI had almost no intrusion which "indicates that the driver’s survival space was maintained very well" - the F150 on the other hand had "Major collapse of the occupant compartment that left little survival space for the driver."

In other news…. sigh. Still haven’t gotten what I’ve been waiting for. Lap time improving, emotions however, are not. During a moment of poor judgment, I accepted a bet (P3,000.00) - Leo’s terms were: If I still feel this way by November 18th this year, I win. If not, then he does. Mark even wanted to throw in an extra 5K, for an added term/clause in the bet. Sigh. Am prolonging my own agony. BUT this does NOT mean that I intend to lose! Heck, I’m going to win! And maybe I’ll get to 2km in 8mins while I’m at it. All the energy has to go somewhere, right?

Sigh.

Song of the Moment: It’s Not Just Make Believe (from Ella Enchanted) This song puts me in a happy, preppy, sappy, sickeningly nostalgic and  dreadfully right-in-your-face-i-wish-this-applied-to-me-but-it-does-NOT-right-now mood:

I thought that I was too old to believe in fairytales,
but there’s a letter for me waitin’ when I check my mail. –>putcha!
I start a shakin’ like a seven on the Richter scale
When you say you love me.
I look in the mirror and I’m not who I used to be at all
Its comin’ clearer…

Chorus
I’m Cinderella at the ball,
I’m Alice growin’ ten feet tall.
Its not just make believe…
Here comes the prince’s kiss,
I’m positive the slipper fits.
Its not just make believe…

It started out like just another ordinary day,
Then suddenly my life is different in every way.
The sun is brighter and my happiness is here to say.
Its like I’m dreamin’
Thank you for showin’ me that true love doesn’t hurt when you fall
You got me glowin’…

Chorus
I’m Cinderella at the ball,
I’m Alice growin’ ten feet tall.
Its not just make believe…
Here comes the prince’s kiss,
I’m positive the slipper fits.
Its not just make believe…

Whenever, wherever, forever,
I’ll be with you.
We haven’t, its not just oh ooh

I look in the mirror and I’m not who I used to be at all
Its comin’ clearer…

I’m Cinderella at the ball,
I’m Alice growin’ ten feet tall.
Its not just make believe…
Its really happening,
I feel so good I gotta sing.
Its not just make believe…
I’m Ariel above the sea,
I’m Beauty dancing with the Beast.
Its not just make believe…
Here comes the prince’s kiss,
I’m positive the slipper fits.
Its not just make believe.

oh, its not just make believe (not just make believe)
oh ooh,
its not just make believe

YahooooooooOOooooooO!  Okay, I know it’s still far from what I used to do, and I know that it’s far from 2km in 10mins, and I know other people can do better… but it certainly is a huge improvement from my last run (11mins 20secs). Who knows, maybe I’ll beat Dan/Alan’s 2km in 9mins 45sec someday!

And to think I owe this improvement to the frustration over not getting something I’ve been waiting for… harharhar! Well, all that energy has to go somewhere, right?!

If I had spent all my energy, maybe I could’ve brought it down to 2km in 10mins 45 secs, but I had to pace myself somehow since I had spinning class right after.  But what the heck, I’m happy enough about this!